My Quarter Life Crisis
Okay, so I've definitely hit it head on - my quarter life crisis! I know that may seem really silly, but I've actually read articles about this that people of our generation are hitting these walls in their mid 20s where they start going, okay what is going on here and who the heck am I? I've hit mine head on, and I'm really not sure where to go from here. I think I've actually been slowly trying to dig a hole through the wall but it's not working very well.
Here's what I've established so far. I am 25 years old. I am happily married. A lot of my friends live out of town which sucks but through the wonders of Internet and phones, I have been able to keep in touch and still get to see them occasionally. Plus I have good friends here that I get to see now and then to pick me up. I have a great family that even though they are far away, they still love me and make me feel special when they can and I look forward to seeing them when I can. I am healthy (or so I think - being a doctor's daughter I tend to think I have every horrible thing known to man wrong with me because I know too much about all the possibilities and therefore scare myself into thinking the slightest bump, cough, pain, etc. is related to something way more horrible than it is - at least I hope so!). I have a great apartment and am not doing horribly financially (especially with the bonus tucked in my bank account and the upcoming raise). I got a brand new car a few months ago that is great and I enjoy and can afford (always a plus). But something is still missing and it seems to revolve mainly around my job.
Some days I absolutely HATE my job. Some days I like it (those are rare though). And most days are just blah - nothing particularly exciting happens, I spend most of the day bored out of my mind or running around like a chicken with my head cut off - no in between. I don't know if this place in particular is what is making me unhappy or if it's the legal field (not my first choice of occupation) or if it's just a general dissatisfaction with how things are. I mean, I always thought I would be super successful and not have to worry about money or finding a job that I enjoyed. In high school and college, they always fed you this crap that if you worked hard and got good grades and did the right things that you were show to grow up and be what you wanted to be. It wasn't until my first real job out of college (not an internship, a paid job) where I was working for $8 per hour (yes with a college degree!), no benefits, and had to be at work at 3:30 am to work on the morning news that it really hit me about how much a load of crap that all really was. I was valedictorian of my high school class, graduated cum laude with honors from college, did numerous internships throughout college for little or no pay, and where did it get me? Standing behind a camera at 6 in the morning in a freezing cold studio listening to the same news over and over and over until I could practically spit it all back out word for word.
That lasted all of about 4 months when I got scared and ran back to college. I decided since I'd always liked kids that I would become a teacher and to get my teaching certification, I only had to take an extra year of classes and then one semester of student teaching. Couldn't be that bad right? Well the classes were EASY for me - I had already been a psychology minor in college so this was just basically more of the same. It wasn't until I was in the classroom (working 40+ a week with NO PAY OR BENEFITS and then having to turn around and haul butt to a restaurant in Las Colinas so I could bartend and try to make some money to pay the bills) with 20+ kids that I realized that as much as I loved the kids, the school system wasn't the place for me either. Strike two!
So after finishing up the student teaching thing in December, I began the job search again looking for just about anything to get me out of teaching and out of the service industry (actually had fun with that but hated the hours and the uncertainty of the pay depending on how busy it was/wasn't, etc.). Landed my job as a file clerk and quickly moved up to where I am now two years later. Two years....I can't believe I've been here that long. I feel like I've been trying to get out of here almost as long as I've been here. And yet, here they come along with a generous bonus and a nice raise and what's a girl to do? Be stuck in her rut even further - scared that I'll never find anything else, feeling guilty for even looking when they are "good" to me, wondering how I got myself into this mess in the first place, and not knowing how to get out or if I even should.
So there you have it ladies and gentleman: welcome to my world of confusion! The one thing I've found that I think I could truly enjoy as a career is event/wedding planning, but it is virtually IMPOSSIBLE to get a chance doing that sort of thing without experience and you can't get experience without getting a job. See this vicious circle! So then I wonder if I should just stay here (or in the legal industry at the very least) and suck it up and try to make the best of it - but then I go back to this whole where did I go wrong thing and why am I going to be one of those people that is unhappy with their job but just does it. Like every other drone in America. I don't want to be a drone! I want to be independent and successful and happy! Now if only I can figure out how to get there......... ;)
posted by Mel at 4:20 PM
6 Comments:
Ok, I know Ive only been here for 4 months (it seems way longer), but i totally feel Mels pain. I followed my passion in college (sort of) and was a psych major, but I didnt want to go to grad school right out of college. Im honestly not sure if i want to go at all. i love working with kids, I thought about being a teacher, but my dad doesnt think it pays well enough and my mom thinks I wouldnt find it as fulfilling as I think it would be, given the fact that I have worked with kids in the past at day care centers and day camps, and have actually been physically attacked by some...they might be right.
I too worked in the bars, I started out younger than Mel did and I graduated and switched bars to make more money. But geez, I was a 22 year old college graduate working in a bar-no thanks. So of course I snatched up the oppurtunity to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.
-so now what? where do i go from here? Mel, if you figure it out, let me know and take me with you, and ill do the same if i have an occupational epiphany-our career paths seem to be going in kind of the same direction anyways....Hey- maybe we could get a giant pair of pants and convince them that we are conjoined twins- then they would have to hire both of us, and wed get to sit together! yay-good plan. then later we can have "surgery" to seperate us which will mean a long vacation! i like this plan!
Sounds good as long as we would still get two salaries and still have benefits. See if we both got benefits, we could each take different days but since we were conjoined the other would have to be off too so we'd get twice as much paid time off ;) Wow, we are desparate! LOL! In all seriousness though, I know what you are talking about. I thought about doing the masters & PhD thing for Psychology because I really enjoyed it but my parents didn't really think that would be a good thing to do since there are SO many psychologists/psychiatrists out there and so many good & bad ones....of course there are a lot of crazy people too and I think I have at one point in time known a lot of them! ;) I also have thought of combining the legal & psychology thing and studying forensic psychology so I could be a jury consultant or something like that which I probably WOULD enjoy but there are none locally of course......grrr.
Anyways, I like this idea of the career epiphany but how do we get that started?!
I know you and I have talked about this before and Im going to blog about it eventually. Its the Glowy Stamp. Its to guide you on your way to true happiness. So every major thing that people reguarly agonize over- like is he/she the one? what should I major in? what do I want to be when I grow up? when the right thing comes along it glows and only you can see it. So when you meet ther perfect person for you- they have a big glowy mark on their forehead and you know they are the one. Of course humans have free will, so you can choose to ignore it if you want.
If only we had the choice of whether or not to go with the glow. LOL i crack myself up
totally agree with amanda. i felt the same way about my job: just give me a chance to get out of here. and when i got married, i did exactly that. it was the "out" i was looking for. mel knows, because i worked with her. and yes, it took some time to find another position. but when i found it, i knew that i wanted it, and i went for it, even though i didn't have all the qualifications they wanted. and i landed the job. and i'm happy.
i think you just need to be looking for another position, mel. and believe me: i'm looking for you, also!
I think it's an ongoing process...all part of growing up. I'm 10 years older than you, and while not quite in crisis mode, I'm thinking of making some major life-altering decisions here myself. Just hang in there and be ready when God opens that door for you.
Thanks for all the encouragement - I know that if I have faith and keep working hard, something will present itself....just getting anxious waiting! ;)
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