Sad News

I'm really glad that I wrote that first post early this morning because I really am SO excited. However, about 15 minutes or so after I posted, I got a phone call from my mom at home. I could just tell in the tone of her voice that something was wrong. It was that phone call that you hate to hear because you just never know what exactly is going to happen. But for some reason, it's like I already knew.....my grandfather passed away this morning. He was already in the hospital, but when I talked to my dad yesterday, he had said he seemed to be doing better. But I had this horrible feeling all last week and this weekend, that this might be it.

The strangest thing is that I guess I've kind of already come to a good place with this situation. After seeing my grandfather in October at our wedding, he looked so horrible, so thin, and was reduced to a man that I never thought he would be. It made me sad each time I looked at him then, and I am so glad that he was able to make that last trip to see me get married. When I was home at Christmas, he called one night before we left, and he kept repeating over and over to me that he loved me and he wanted me to tell my parents that he loved them too. I guess I knew then that something was going to happen soon. Just didn't know exactly when. When I found out last Thursday that my grandfather was in the hospital, I guess I just realized that this might be it. It's sad but I was never as close to my grandfather as I was to either of my grandmothers. My grandmother, his wife, died almost 2 years ago at the end of March. When she died, my parents told me that I didn't have to go to the funeral service if I didn't want to (it is in Pennsylvania where they are all from). But I knew that I just HAD to go or I wouldn't forgive myself. And obviously, my grandmother that was in the hospital earlier this year and that lives with my parents is my closest grandparent of all - she is like a second mother to me.

But in this situation, I just don't know what to do. I just don't know if I want to put myself through the pain and difficulty of a service like that when I already feel at peace with his passing. Of course if my father wants me to go for support (it was his father that died), I will go in a heartbeat. But if I had the choice, I just don't know that I would go. I am waiting to hear back from my parents to hear when the service is going to be and to make a decision from there. So I guess there is a possibility that I may be going to Pennsylvania this week for a few days. But we'll see - I would much rather go visit my family in a happier situation. I just don't know what to do at this point, but first I will see what my dad has to say.

So not to damper anyone's Valentine's Day because I actually am still in a good mood and dealing with it well, but I thought I would let you all know of my sad news. Make sure that you don't take for granted your time with your loved ones, and make sure they know that you care because you just really never know when something may happen. :)